


A Helping Hand

by metalboxes



Category: 2000 AD (Comics), Judge Dredd (Comics), Judge Dredd - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Pseudo-Incest, Self-cest, clone-cest, clones are weird man don't think about it, it's not gay if it's your clone bro, not explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 17:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11317950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metalboxes/pseuds/metalboxes
Summary: "Hey, Joe. So I've been thinking..."That was a sentence that Cadet Joe Dredd had heard far too many times coming from his clone brother's mouth, and it always lead to trouble if he didn't nip it in the bud right away."No.""Since we're clones and all, do you think that if you gave me a hand, it'd just be assisted masturbation?"





	A Helping Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired and encouraged by scumbagboots.

Rico was in one of his relaxed states, a mischievous grin lurking at the edges of his mouth. He was sprawled across the bunk, loose-limbed and languid in contrast to the rigid posture of his twin, tossing a ball up and down. Joe ignored him, recognizing that mischievous attitude as something which shouldn't be acknowledged, or rewarded with attention.

"Hey, Joe. So I've been thinking..."

That was a sentence that Cadet Joe Dredd had heard far too many times coming from his clone brother's mouth, and it always lead to trouble if he didn't nip it in the bud right away.

"No."

"Since we're clones and all, do you think that if you gave me a hand, it'd just be assisted masturbation?"

"No."

"No, no, no, hear me out." Rico protested. "We're each other, just in different bodies. You should give it a fair trial."

"Sure. Fair trial." Joe snorted. "Get off it."

"You know, like how they used to do it in the old days?"

"No one really cares about that, Rico." Joe said, a note of warning creeping into his voice. "Get that out of your head." Rico's fascination with the defunct jury system was always a point of contention between them, with Joe thinking it was dangerous and a waste of time, and Rico thinking it was curiously enthralling.

Ignoring him, Rico stood up and flourished, climbing onto Joe's bed. He hadn't even taken his boots off, Joe noted with disgust.

"Your Honor. Gentlemen of the Jury." Rico said, taking a bow every time he addressed his imaginary audience. "We are gathered here today to determine whether Cadet Joe Dredd here lending a hand to fellow clone Rico Dredd's awful, awful dirty habits would simply be assisted masturbation - which is harmless - or a more severe case of-" He paused here for dramatic effect, continuing in a hushed voice. "- c _arnal contact_."

Joe grunted, giving up. If he humored him, Rico’d get bored faster and get this over with.

"If the ruling is made that it is indeed merely assisted masturbation, that would certainly circumvent the strict limitations on sexual contact between Judges. Which the other Cadet Dredd seems to care a lot about for some reason." Rico put his acting on hold to address Joe directly, mouth twisting up into a grin. "Now wouldn't that be something?" he asked, winking exaggeratedly.

Joe shoved him. "Get off my bed, Rico."

Rico laughed and swatted back. "If the audience would please stop disrupting the court! Order! Order!"

"Stop trying to get a rise out of me, it's not going to work."

"Just a rise?" Rico grinned. "I was hoping for a little more than that."

Rolling his eyes, Joe turned back to his textbook. He heard Rico stepping off the bed, with a creak of bedsprings. Footsteps silently padded over to stop behind him. Rico paused, then reached out with a hand to Joe's shoulder, talking a little louder.

"That's cute little Joey, but I'm saying something important here."

Joe's hand snapped out and grabbed Rico's wrist forcefully.

"Hey," Rico called out sharply, a dark undertone curling around his words. "Let go."

"Not until you drop it."

Rico hummed thoughtfully, like he always did when he scented blood. "No, I don't think so."

Joe twisted his arm, and Rico hissed in pain.

"Try again." Joe said blandly.

"Okay, fine. I'll drop it." Rico answered, face strained.

Joe let go.

Rico nodded, once, tightly. And then he coiled up and threw a punch into Joe’s face. Joe went sprawling out of his seat, clutching his nose. He scrambled up from the floor, falling into a defensive stance.

"What the hell was that, huh?" Rico snarled, advancing with fists clenched.

Joe glared, wiping his bleeding nose as Rico started shouting.

"Come on! You never do anything! All you ever do is just sit there and ignore me!"

"Stop." Joe said through gritted teeth. This time, he was ready, and intercepted the next punch Rico threw his way, catching his wrist. Joe yanked him closer, and Rico stumbled forward, latching onto Joe’s forearm with his other hand. But the stumble was a ruse, and Joe fell backwards as Rico hooked his foot and sent them both crashing down to the floor, landing on his back. It knocked the breath from him.

"Why don't you ever wanna talk?" Rico shouted, an inch from his face. "Why are you being so difficult? Don't you get it? You can't push me away like this. You can't ever push me away."

Joe twisted his hips and flipped them, so Rico was flat on his back looking up instead

"You're crazy, Rico." Joe stated flatly. "You're making stuff up. Now shut up before I report us for fighting."

"Stop trying to be so _perfect_ , Joe." Rico said with a sneer. "I heard you the same too. Trying to keep it a secret from me. What do you think about at night, huh? Who do you think of? I can _feel_ it, you big lug."

"I told you to stop making stuff up!" Joe shouted, and punched the wall next to Rico's head. The shelves rattled.

"Hey," Rico laughed. "It's okay. Nothing in the rulebooks against having dreams, right little Joe?"

Joe stared back, furious to the point where he couldn’t come up with words, and humiliation pooled in his gut. Rico met his gaze evenly and held it for a long moment. After a while, Joe sagged, feeling inexplicably tired all of a sudden.

Rico felt it, and slowly pried himself out from under Joe. He took a seat on the floor, next to where Joe was sitting hunched over.

"We take care of each other." Rico said. "Me and you, we're all we have."

"Just stop." Joe muttered.

"I'm you, and you're me."

Joe turned his face away. "Why do you always have to push so much?"

"That's how I am. You know that." Rico said, almost gently. Joe knew better. "I'm just looking out for you, little Joe. Now will you let me take care of you?"

Joe turned his head at that, making eye contact with his clone. Himself in another body. Two halves of a whole. He scrutinized his expression for a long time, but found only sincerity in his eyes.

Joe nodded.

 

In retrospect, he probably shouldn’t have humored him.

 


End file.
